golf

man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: fuckin Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man. The man then replies: shit Yeah, well we were married 35 years.!!!!

Women should be like golf caddies.
Holding your balls or getting your fucking tee ready!

A lady goes into the clubhouse at the golf course, "Ive just been stung by a bee!" she screams
"Where were you stung?"
"Between the first and second holes!"
"Well then, your stance is too wide!"

I remember playing golf in Thailand a few years back.I was playing quite well and a crowd had gathered.
As I holed another putt,the crowd started shouting "Tiger!Woods!Tiger!Woods!"
I turned to acknowledge them but they'd gone,and that's when the fucking tiger came out of the woods.

Two golfers are enjoying a round when they get stuck behind a group of women. One of the women, half way through a putt, starts jogging into the woods. One of the blokes says to the other "That's the club president's wife! I bet she's going in the woods for a shit."
"No chance" says the other "She's a respectable bird!" So they head off quietly into the woods to have a look, and sure enough, there she is, the president's wife, crouched down curling out a steaming turd.
The first bloke grins smugly and says, "I bet 20 quid she leaves without wiping her arse." "Never! I'll take that bet"
So the first man shouts "Oi!!"